Are You Tolerating Unnecessary Stress?

“I can’t STAND this anymore” I exclaimed, shoving myself away from the computer.

The bisque colored floor tiles had a decided coffee color where a few drops fell and attracted dirt.  And boot prints, a testament to vaguely wiped boots, trailed across the floor in some nightmarish imitation of a whodunit  - in my very own living room.

The lure of writing can only hold out so long before the need for clean propels me to set aside my love of words.  Even if I stayed, I’d be distracted by the mess and worse, the guilt of having a less than immaculately kept home.

“How on earth am I supposed to be able to work when I have to do all this other stuff too?”

*   *   *   *   *

When you first start your new business venture, there is plenty of advice about the things you need to do to get set up.  However the advice didn’t prepare you for adjustments at home to ease the stress of maintaining a household while going for your dreams.  Those shifts at home are crucial to your long term success.

When you’re  new to the adventure, you are excited.  However, little stresses start to crop up.  If you don’t expect them, it can be frustrating.  Before you know it, you find yourself overwhelmed. 

 

For example, the typical stay-at-home wife/mom tidies the house, does laundry, cooks, runs errands, etc … during the day.  To maintain that standard now, either you give up sleep to work while everyone is sleeping (which works at first) or you take time out of your workday.  Both are invitations to stress.

Work eventually requires more time.  You find yourself busier.  The floors aren’t cleaned as often.  It becomes a struggle to run errands, stop by to see the elderly person you check on periodically, or get together with a friend.   Having to stop and cook or clean may feel like an annoyance when you love your business work. You may stop being effective at all.

Busy executives battle this every day.  Without a system in place, it’s easy for things to slide, unnoticed, until a crisis forms.  They need to delegate, if they can afford to.  

These executives are usually working away from home, so there is a distinct line for them AND their family members.  You are at home, and it can be a battle to get people you live with (and friends) to take your venture seriously.   They tend to want you to keep doing stuff “since you are home.”  In other words, cooking, cleaning, errands, and keeping up with friends while they are away at work or school.  Never mind that this is time stolen from your business.

Some Potential Stress Points to Consider

Around the house stuff:

1.      Taking care of yourself.  If you are used to getting up and taking a shower and getting dressed, when is that going to happen if you get up at 5 and sneak down to the computer to get some effective work time in before everyone else gets up?  After everyone gets up, it might be harder to squeeze that time in for yourself.   

It’s like being a new mom all over again.  By the time you get the opportunity, you are already in work mode and be tempted to put it off a little longer.  Before you know it, you must grab a rushed shower before that client meeting. Procrastinated tasks add stress because it requires  future time you feel you don’t have.  Worse, it steals mental bandwidth from what you are doing now.

2.     Cooking.  Everyone still needs to eat.  If you are used to homemade everything, you may feel distressed because you don’t have time to do everything like you used to.  What standard is essential to you?  

If the standard is very high and you need to make fancy 5-course meals, with all of the clean-up that goes with it, it will be at the cost of working on your business.  Only you and your family can determine what you can live with.  You might try crock pot meals and other minimal prep meals to reduce stress of finding time for home cooking and it’s clean up.

3.     Laundry.  Spending the day doing laundry isn’t fun.  Some prefer it because it’s done until next week, but regret not being available half the weekend.  Others prefer doing a load (or two) a day during the week and taking the weekends off.  A regular plan prevents the stress of staying up late for an emergency load … or worse, not having clean unmentionables when you need them.

I typically find that dealing with it daily works better for me so that I’m more available to my family during the weekend.  I should say that it works when I prep the load the night before so that I don’t procrastinate (or forget) in the morning because I want to sit and write.  It helps me take a break a couple of times.  But you might find that distracting and a bad idea.   Know what works for you and schedule it to avoid stressful surprises.

4.     Cleaning.  The reality is, the impeccable house thing isn’t happening here.  I wish it was.  I feel stressed because it’s not.  What I’m realizing is that I need to pick my standard, and create a schedule to make it happen – and delegate or let the rest go.  Sometimes it’s more of a pride issue than a true need issue.  I’m still working on finding that balance.  Some days are better than others!

5.     Outside chores.  If you don’t have a groundskeeper, like I don’t, you need to make sure that the yard is kept up as well.  Not only does time need to be allotted, it needs to be flexible because weather has a way of changing things.  Where will that time come from? 

 

Business stuff:

1.     Getting your systems in place for all of the stuff you do.  Bills.  Mail.  Filing.  Tidying your work space.  When things aren’t orderly, there’s stress.  Time wasted trying to find stuff.  Running out of space to work.  It takes a while to find a process that works for you, but it’s time well-invested. Developing routines will ease stress.

2.     Budgeting time for learning.  To be your best and to stay on top of your game, there needs to be regular, scheduled time for learning.  Whether it’s staying on top of market shifts, understanding accounting better or honing your craft, there’s always something to improve.

Personal stuff:

1.      Taking care of yourself.  Well that sounds silly!  However, if you are used to getting up, taking a shower and getting dressed, when is that going to happen if you start getting up at 5 and sneak down to the computer to get some effective work time in before everyone else gets up?  After everyone gets up, it might be harder to squeeze that time in for yourself.  

It’s like being a new mom all over again.  By the time you get the opportunity, you are already in work mode and be tempted to put it off a little longer.  Before you know it, you must grab a rushed shower before that client meeting. Procrastinated tasks add stress because it requires  future time you feel you don’t have.  Worse, it steals mental bandwidth from what you are doing now.

2.       Friends and family are important.  So is pursuing your dream.  Starting a new business is almost like getting a new boyfriend.  There’s so much to do and you love what you do.  You can’t wait to do it!  It can crowd out time for friends and family if you aren’t careful.  (Especially if you are a writer.  You just never know when the muse while strike!) Expect some awkwardness while you find that balance. 

3.     Mentally shutting off work.   Scheduling time isn’t going to mean much if you are constantly thinking about your business to-do list.  It’s tempting to work around the clock, even if it’s just mental planning.  That is the fastest road to burn-out.  And it strains relationships. 

Your husband still needs his wife and friend.  Your kids still need mom – even if they don’t live at home.  When they aren’t good, you end up distracted with stress from the latest conflict.  You need those relationships to be as functional as possible. 

4.     Spiritual expressions can get crowded out.  If you are used to attending ladies group and Bible studies, online book clubs, always having some sort of spiritual book going, and you are used to having more time to read the Bible and sit quietly and pray for an hour, you will find that time gets squeezed, too.  How much time can you budget?  This isn’t a suggestion of short-changing your time with God.  Far from it.  It’s about picking and choosing the parts that are needed. Good isn't good at the cost of added stress.

5.     Personal fitness. Yeah, who has time for that? “Mood up!  Energy up!  Stress down!” is one of fitness expert, Jonathan Roche’s favorite saying during his workouts.

I used to hate exercise until I started working out with him on the Bootcamp Hub.  (The name makes it sound hard-core, but it’s not!)  He avoids the all or nothing approach, which helped me stick to an exercise routine for the first time in my adult life.  It really transformed me physically and mentally.  My energy level is up.  With the motivational speaking he does during the workout, so I’m really spoiled!  I highly recommend finding active things that you enjoy and do it regularly.

6.     Time for you to just “be” and recharge your batteries.  I can’t emphasize it enough (maybe because I really struggle with this the most.)  If you don’t make time to unwind, stress grows.  When life throws a curve-ball, you’ve got nothing left in reserve.

Turning away good things is hard.  However, it’s the only way to make room for the best things.  That’s a subject for a different post all by itself.  

So I have some homework for you, should you choose to accept it.  Take out a sheet of paper – maybe you’ll need several handy.  Write down the various things that you do.  Use the areas mentioned above.  Add in other chores and social obligations you have.  Write down your business tasks.  Then look at scheduling them into your week or month.  What are things that you can delegate?  I’ll dive into that topic next week.

If you can sort your minimum standards and schedule your priorities (not just the business ones), it will go a long way toward reducing stress.  With as many invitations as we receive for stress, eliminating the unnecessary makes sense, when you know where to start.